I’m not sure if there’s a name for what happens when you learn something new and then everything you see around you becomes framed by it, when you start viewing everything through and in reference to that new lens. I imagine it must be some mixture of wonder, naivety, gullibility…or maybe just stupidity. I don’t know. Or it just reflects the way in which we’re constantly trading one form of blindness for another.
This isn’t moving in any revelatory direction, it’s simply a phenomenon I’m observing. My current bias? Chaos theory. My students are even starting to track how many times I say “chaos” in class now, mocking me with my self-implication.
But the thing that’s really messing with my brain is a growing doubt about my name, about who I am.
Apparently, the other one, the one called Nick, is the one things happen to. Thus my life is a flight and I lose everything and everything belongs to oblivion, or to him.
I do not know which of us has written this page.