I did not watch last night’s State of the Union Address

True story: the last time I watched the State of the Union Address, my friend John was crashing at my place for a conference, and just before the SOTU, we developed a taste for burritos.  I was in grad school here in Baltimore at the time, so I lived even closer to the local Chipotle than I live now.  So we stepped out of my building’s front door, and, this being Baltimore and everything, stepped directly into a crime scene.  And so I’ve never watched the SOTU since.

Last night, of course, was no different.  No, it was trivia night.  We battled valiantly against our great rivals, Butthurtz.  And we lost to them again.  We lost even when the final question was specifically about Adventure Time (which I got right, by the way).  Now we’re the ones left with the hurt buttz.  They haven’t always won first place like they’ve done for the past two weeks in a row, but they have been consistent over this latest season.  Suspiciously consistent.  Or maybe it’s just…suspiciously consistent?  (Read the former with a tonal drop and the latter with a tonal rise.)  There was a vigorous debate in the house afterwards about whether or not they’re, in fact, cheating (cell phones, natch), and our way of life hung in the balance.

Today it’s all just a distant memory.  It’s something we’ve tucked away for next Tuesday when we have to again face the very real possibility that there are people at that trivia night who are probably smarter than us.  Hell, they’re probably those same assholes from the Hopkins Chem Engineering department that are undefeated in the annual Hopkins grad student beer brewing competition.

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