Never say no

Our new (and sure-to-be short-lived) suggestion system brought my writing to a screeching halt because I started feeling obligated to be funny. Mainly because the suggestions are coming from a blogging partner who’s a great humor writer, and so if he’s suggesting something, my assumption is that he’s expecting comedy. Unfortunately, I don’t do comedy.

Aren’t you an improviser?

Yes, and that doesn’t have shit to do with comedy…is a convenient answer that a long line of improvisers have given me permission to buy into. Because the aim isn’t comedy but truth (where comedy already lives without you having to manufacture it). Honesty is the best policy. It’s the only policy!

Okay, man, whatever…so can we get to Fuller’s suggestion?

I have to say yes because it’s a post about never saying no.

Never saying no…there are definitely situations where that is not an okay inclination.

Sure. There are obviously complicated power dynamics where you can imagine how never saying no would lead you into doing shit that you shouldn’t do or have done to you. Like say if you had the chance to meet Bill Cosby and he got all Jello pudding on you, i.e. slimy and gross. Let’s leave those circumstances on the side for now.

So what are we never saying no to?

Opportunities. Life.

What the hell does that mean? And why did you stare off into the distance as you said it? Did you just Orlando Bloom me?

Let’s say Fuller texts you and aggressively demands that you see Godzilla: Resurgence that night, citing its perfect ratio of paperwork to action as the film’s narrative thrust.

You have to say yes?

Yes. Except you don’t. In fact, you hope he’ll just forget about it. You don’t even try to say that you’re too busy or anything. You just don’t go. You hope that he’ll stop messaging you about it. But you also don’t really want him to stop messaging you. You like the attention. You like hearing from him. You don’t want to disappoint him. AND you do want to see the film. After all, you trust his judgment, revere it even. But you just don’t go. Something about going to a theater, even though you’ve seen shows on Broadway and are going to comedy shows almost every night…something about it just invites your resistance. The little worm in you inclined to say no. You never outright say no, of course. You let the texts sit heavy on your phone, gnawing at you.

That’s idiotic. Why don’t you just go?

Because money? Because I’m disillusioned with going to a movie?

You went to see “Don’t Think Twice” not too long ago.

Yeah, and I chose to do it, and I realized (despite loving that movie) why I don’t enjoy going to the theater anymore. It’s…too much.

Too much?

Too much money. Too much of a hassle. Plus, do I really need to see a movie about the paperwork associated with Godzilla in theaters? Can’t I just wait until it comes out on Amazon video? Is that “big screen” worthy?

You’re a shitty friend.

Yes. I will never say no to that.


1 Comment

  1. amandaburnhamrfp

    Burnham here. 1) Where’s my drawing? 2a) Fuller was right, you should go see Godzilla 2b)wherein “see Godzilla” means “throw out your plan”. 3a)”I didn’t see Godzilla because I didn’t feel like it.” #TIFTFY 3b)Truth. 4)After your drawing post: topic: bullshit. form/constraint: 100 words or less. Burnham OUT!


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