On that totally high ostrich I saw at Animal Kingdom the other day

You know that Samsung commercial where an ostrich stumbles into a VR set on the porch of someone’s…desert outpost (?), experiences the wonder of flight, and then somehow integrates that virtual training into reality and says “fuck evolution, I am God” to his fellow ostriches as he flies away? No? Okay…the one with Elton John singing maybe? Yeah, that one. Good. We’re on the same page (that I linked you to, dum-dum).

Anyway, while my family and I were on the Animal Kingdom safari the other day, a rogue ostrich (let’s call him Darryl) with a look on his face that can only be described as “high” ran right in front of our jeep. Behind Darryl were two of his friends that were clearly failing to reel him in. Because Darryl, you see, was on a mission. That mission? To let all the other animals know that they were living a lie.

Darryl is the freed prisoner in Plato’s allegory of the cave.

But do you imagine the other animals were interested in hearing more of Darryl’s lunacy, yet again? Some shit about them being held captive in a theme park ride? How this isn’t their natural habitat but a simulation?

When Darryl caught up with more of his clan, needless to say, they weren’t interested. They just kept poking their heads into the ground, going about their usual business. Because fuck Darryl. What does he know? Sure, their life might be a simulation, but man is it comfortable.

And so Darryl eventually came down from his high, deciding never to eat those plants again. Of course, that’s what he tells himself every time this happens. Darryl’s a special bird though. He’s a truth-seeker. One day, the other animals will get it. Or they won’t. But he refuses to go back to pretending like he’s not in an animal Matrix. Darryl knows too much, but he refuses to know so little ever again. He’s been to the Mushroom Kingdom, and it’s way better than some Disney sponsored bullshit.

That Lion King show though? Transcendent.

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