I don’t know if you’ve ever released a parasite,* but my goodness does it make you feel limitless!** So much so that your brain is able to perform terrible riffs, and later, when you go to write about it but then leave the draft sitting for days so it spoils, your brain persists anyway because it has nothing better to do, except come up with terrible riffs and then get caught in a cognitive-metacognitive loop.***
I don’t remember what led me to riff Reese’s species. I think I was talking about the safari at Animal Kingdom – where I saw that totally high ostrich – and then someone pronounced species strangely, which made me think about how people pronounce “pieces” differently in the context of their proximity to “Reese’s” and then, there you have it, “Reese’s species” was born. As it turns out, I remember exactly what led to the riff. What led me to think it was funny? I have no idea.****
Anyway, all I’m saying is try not to laugh when you say “Reese’s species” to yourself and then try not to freeze in horror at the totally inevitable future of candy companies purchasing the rights to your favorite creature.*****
*Let’s keep the euphemisms going. When I say “released,” I mean “evacuated via the anus.” Anus is euphemistic enough for booty hole, right?
**Andy Samberg already coined the term “limitlessing” (inspired by Bradley Cooper’s Limitless, of course) on Brooklyn Nine-Nine recently when his character Jake Peralta started drinking an average amount of water one episode and (to him) unlocked unexplored regions of his brain. So it goes in that beautifully absurd, refreshingly diverse television world.
***See: postmodern existence, aka the unbearable lightness of thinking about being instead of just being because “just being” is kind of also a cognitive state now that we’re busy thinking about it
****Come on. We all know. I’m a simpleton.
*****Lemurs: brought to you by Skittles. Not God. Skittles are God.